Friday Funnies--Ancient Style!

Athena's reaction to 

legislators' proposed limits

on birth control accessibility.

"Seriously guys? Seriously?"

Archaeologists discover new

Roman Goddess: Crack o'Dawn

Next on the History Channel:

Man Discovers Bacon

Friday Funnies--Ancient Style!

Mitneias Romneus

"^%$*#@!" cursed Achilles. "They gave me 

Dolly Parton's chestplate again!"

 

The charioteer instantly regretted that

his last wish was to be a "better horseman." 

Teen Sex, Occupy Wall Street, Linsanity and...Ancient Rome?

I was honored to be invited back to be the keynote speaker at the West Virginia Junior Classical League (JCL) convention last week.  My talk?  "Why We are All Ancient Romans in Drag."

Despite the above headline, my talk was totally PG, and it seemed to go over really well. I talked about some of the not so obvious ways that Roman thinking still resonates in our world today (and that's all I'll say for now in an obvious and shameless attempt at eliciting more JCL speaking engagements!).

One young man came up to me afterward to tell me he found my talk "really fascinating." He conveyed this as if bestowing a blessing on me and then walked away. Given that Latin students who attend JCL conferences tend to be very bright and well-read, I considered this a supreme compliment.
 
I always love the ancient-dress fashion parade at JCL conventions. My individual favorite was "Gangsta Goddess" who strutted in with attitude to spare (sadly, I couldn't get a good shot of her highness).

My "team" favorite were the "priests" carrying a shrouded Vestal Virgin to her death chamber. They had caught her, they announced, outside in the hallway with her boyfriend. Ha!

I also loved the Funeral Procession re-enactment, complete with dead body/creepy wrapped mannequin (that's the spot on the floor--sorry the photo is so dark!). I'd secretly hoped some of the kids would let it rip as professional mourners--Romans paid to wail and screech and pull out their hair in honor of the dead.  But they left that out, likely afraid that the hotel staff might call 911 on 'em.

The procession--including "family members" wearing death masks of ancestors--was a serious and solemn affair. The ancient Romans would've been proud.

Although I love doing school/author visits and giving students tours of the Greek/Roman galleries at the Carlos Museum of Antiquities at Emory University, I think I love working with the folks from the JCL the most. 

Go JCL!

Friday Funnies--Ancient Style!

Been traveling all day and almost missed Friday Funnies.  But it's not yet midnight, so here goes:

Original campfire stories

 

Ancient X Factor

Rockin' it Old School

The Bloody-Weird Origins of Valentine's Day

Today's diabetic-shock inducing Valentine sweetness is a looooong way from its roots in an ancient Roman love festival. In mid-February, the Romans practiced a ritual so old and strange, even they couldn't tell you what it meant and how it started.

Actor Charlie Hunnam @ http://www.worldoffemale.com

It went like this: During the Lupercalia (usually February 15), a group of handsome young men would strip naked, get oiled up and present themselves at the Forum where priests would sacrifice a dog and a goat in front of them. The priests would then smear the young men's foreheads with the blood of the animals.

The nekkid young men would then wipe off the blood and laugh. The laughing part was very important. No one knows why.

Then the priests skinned the goat and dog and made tiny whip-like-thongs out of the skins, handing it to the young men.

The slicked up hotties then chased young women throughout the streets of Rome with the intention of slapping them with the skins. Women thus "annointed" were said to instantly become fertile.

Hmmm. Maybe today's blood-red roses came from the bloodied strips of skin the men offered women! Wait, what do you mean I'm ruining the romance?

Young married women who wanted to get pregnant, as a result, accidentally-on-purpose put themselves in the way of the slicked-up boys. To no one's surprise, there was much drinking before, during, and after this festival. 

By implication there was a lot of er, "romance" happening later too. I guess we've come a long way.  The Romans stripped naked and anointed young women in the name of fertility. Today, we strip our wallets and anoint each other with flowers and chocolate.  Progress, right?

Friday Funnies--Ancient Style

("Or I swear, I'll never stop wine-ing.")

She Had Me at "Who you Looking AT?"

I loved Madonna's Superbowl Half-Time show. Completely and utterly. I mean, when the camera panned the gladiator-like "Romans" pulling her barge (that was NOT a euphemism, people!), I was a goner.

Madonna as Cleo? Brilliant!

Thankfully hubs and the boy were in the kitchen rummaging for more food when the show started, so they did not witness me standing up in awe. And when the golden fans parted (like the silver oars Plutarch described!) and there stood her Madgesty in an Egyptian-inspired crown and a golden cloak I actually cooo-ed.

Forget the mish-mash of images and the overwrought, ridiculous costumes. Ignore the dated 1990 techno-beat and the men in golden booties. What really mattered was that Madonna went for it. And she captured that sense of awe, slightly-disgusted disbelief, and head-shaking wonderment that ridiculous excess elicits in us mere mortals.

Love her or hate her, there is an unabashed fierceness in Madonna that I like to think the ancient queen also had in abundance.

The only thing that was missing? A giant snake. For Isis's sake, where was the snake?

The rest of the game was very frustrating for my die-hard Pats-fan-boys but still. As a result of Madge's unrepentant eye-fest, I spent the rest of the evening, warbling, "Don't just stand there. Let's get to it. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it!"

You go, your Madgesty.

Friday Funnies--Ancient Style!

"The Annual Meeting of Newt Gingrich's

Wives and Mistresses Begins in

Five, People!"

See This Little Guy? The Romans Loved Him. Especially Roasted in Honey!

The ancient Romans thought dormice made fine little appetizers. On page 301 of my novel, Cleopatra Selene watches Maecenas pop "a tiny roasted dormouse whole into his mouth and crunch the tiny bones with relish...He gave me a sly look as he licked the honey off his fingers."

Dormice were farmed in large pits or terra cotta containers. The Romans liked their tiny rodents rolled in honey and poppy seeds, then roasted to perfection. They often served them along with sizzling sausages over plums and pomegranate seeds.

The video of the snoring dormouse (found here--totally adorable) making the internet rounds made me think of the Romans' strange tastes. But it also got me wondering--did they eat the fur too? Along with the tail? And those adorable little ears?

Ack.

Fortunately, the Romans also loved cake. Lots and lots of cake. Made with cheese. Cheesecake. Thanks the gods for cheesecake.

Friday Funnies--Ancient Style!