Friday Funnies--Ancient Style

This Week's Theme: Ridiculous Ads

using Ancient References

(Though it helps if you're an arrogant jerk!)

(I've heard of white-washing history, but that's ridiculous!)

("Will you be super-sizing that?")

(Because pimple creams and ancient mysteries go so well together!)

Ancient Greece, Jersey Shore, and Drunk Men Hurling

Gary Corby recently made mention of Greek pottery depicting drunk men vomiting. I had to check them out for myself in detail. And, oh, the Greeks did not disappoint. The Getty Villa features my favorite piece, one of the most...um..."vivid" examples. 

Photo courtesy of Mary Harsch.

Hahahahaha! I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but it completely undoes me. There's just something about imagining the hours an expert potter/artisan spent lovingly depicting a man hurling that slays me.

Ancient drunks--just like us. And Jersey Shore! (For any readers not in the U.S., Jersey Shore is a reality TV show featuring a group of young Italian-Americans who do nothing but groom and get drunk. Don't worry, I don't get it either.)

But there's more! Check out this one on the right showing Jersey Shore's "The Situation" and his impressive abs having to abandon his lyre so that he can direct "Ronnie's" head toward the handy vomit-pythos dragged over for just that moment.

And good ol' lush "Snookie" gets her own ancient moment too in the plate (below) showing her being drunkenly escorted from the party. Thankfully, this ancient Snookie is not tottering on ridiculous heels, though she seems sadly unaware that she is flashing all her friends at the Symposium.

These wonderfully detailed and evocative "moments" of ancient partying leave me wanting more examples of "daily life" in ancient Greece.

Unfortunately, many other examples tend to skew toward illustrations of a more "earthy" nature, which I can't show here.

(Think of the children!)

Still, it's clear (and hilarious). Those Greeks sure knew how to party!

On Stupid Heroes

The kids at Camp Half-Blood at Little Shop of Stories (based on Rick Riordan’s Lightning Thief) yesterday loved it when I told them that Hercules (Heracles) wasn’t the swiftest boat in the fleet.

They cracked up when they heard about the time Heracles got so irritated at the sun that he tried to shoot it out of the sky with his bow and arrow. Or that when the waves got out of hand while he was on a boat, he repeatedly slashed them with his sword in order to make them “obey.” Or even that he may have had a mild case of “ADD” given that he forgot to get himself back on Jason’s boat during a stopover on the hunt for the Golden Fleece.

There’s just something about a dumb hero that is irresistible.

Still, Heracles wasn’t the only ancient guy who had temper tantrums over what they couldn’t control. Herodotus tells the story of Xerxes, the king of Persia (of “I am SPARTA!” fame--the enemy, anyway), who lashed the ocean 300 times and threw shackles into it as punishment for not “cooperating” when invading Greece.

We can hardly picture the absurdity of that act, and yet, I think, stories like those hit closer to home than we like to admit. After all, aren’t we doing the same thing when we kick the chair leg we stumbled over or curse the rock that “got in our way” and tripped us? And certainly we’ve all had at least one very threatening conversation with an uncooperative computer or printer, right?

That’s the thing about these myths/stories: In their ridiculousness, they remind us of our humanity.

Test my theory. Try leaving a comment. One of two things will happen: You will succeed, make your point, and walk away feeling like a strong man. Or, more likely, blogger will make it so impossibly aggravating, you’ll end up cursing it to Hades and back!